Are you a Gypsy?

Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

The state of affairs with Reece, the live cattle futures trader, has been developing nicely until I've received the following:

Reece: Quick question, are you of romany extraction?

That definitely got my interest – the guy knows how to ask ‘socially awkward questions’.

Beautiful but Grumpy: Not that I’m aware of. Should I interrogate my mother?

Reece: Hehe, cue the thumbscrews, dripping water and truth serum…
Well, I’m following a vision actually.

BbG: Oh yeah? Share…

Reece: I had a wee vision that I encounter someone with a large amount of Romany blood by the end of the summer, the other details went fuzzy. As Romanys are really from Central Europe, I thought on the off chance that it could have been you. I think she was a psychic and it has some bearing on that, though, so not sure how it fits into life in general as yet.

It’s my kinky luck to meet total nutheads unusual men.

Past tense

So my first lover, Wlodek S, has got in touch last week, after all these years. Here is the string of mails that followed:
Beautiful but Grumpy: Hi. Good to hear from you but... where are your long hair??I’m very well, thanks. Since that summer after my A levels I have moved to London and being living here all this time. I don’t think my mother has ever forgiven you for my ‘B’ from literature :-) Well, at least I managed an ‘A’ from biology ;-) Do you still live in the same town?


Wlodek S: Don’t look at hair - look at the heart :-) It’s funny, I also live in London. 10 years now. How small is this world :-) Maybe we have passed each other on the street few times...
Looking at your photos – you haven’t changed much.I can see you’ve attracted a local lad ;-)
The warmest greetings for you M.
BbG: If you hang around Brick Lane or at races of one-eyed dogs, then I’m sure we have met at some point during those 10 years! Oh, the ‘lad’ is an ex boyfriend – I should really delete these pics but I like them - taken from sailing holidays in Turkey. Great fun. And you – there must be a ‘reason’ for you to stay in London for so long...
Wlodek S: Well, I’ve been married for 4 years. Why asking? ;-) Your sailing pics are hot :-) especially the one in bikini ;-)
BbG: Thanks :-) Oh, I’m asking because on all of your pics you are caressing some fish, so just wanted to check if you haven’t developed an unusual attraction... :-)
Wlodek S: Ha, ha. I kind of developed an obsession with fishing
BbG: Obsessions are good – they make you feel alive. You look professional :-)
Wlodek S: I wish – to do it professionally i would need rich sponsors :-) My job is down to earth – i’m a store manager. I’ve tried few things but they bored me.
BbG: Oh yeah? What have you tried? I’m asking because I’m fascinated by different things that people try (I’m thinking of making a film but that’s a totally different story).
Wlodek S: I started with washing dishes in a restaurant :-), then I was a gardener, then a chef... If you need extras for your film let me know - I’ll be happy to help :-)


Aah, isn’t he lovely? Yes, but also very married...

Wlodek S.

Another day, another experience.
Just as I’ve made a decision to leave dating for little while and just enjoy the summer, I’m contacted on the Polish version of Facebook (Nasza Klasa)… by the guy I lost virginity with! –Wlodek…


He was the hottest boy in town, in southern Poland where I grew up, and with his long dark hair he kind of resembled the Last Mohican, or the guy from the ‘Virgins suicides’ (whichever is cuter). I never really understood why he had any interest in me (a tall, skinny nerd) while, being sensitive, caring and very hot, he could have had anyone! I will spare you the details of the actual 'initiation', but I will tell you that even though our romance didn’t last long, I have never forgotten that summer...

So, he may be gay by now… who knows.

I plan to reply and mention few highlights of my life (when I think of some) and then will ask where the hell he’s been all these years!

Ransom

You may be wondering what is happening with me and WDW (a blogger I've dated recently). Well, it was fun, until WDW defaulted on 2 dates in a row! To miss one date is a sin, but two… unforgivable mistake.

Hence you've (hopefully) read all about me moving on, and getting into dating a live cattle futures trader. Yes, I know it sounds weird but I'm sure he will turn out just lovely.

Anyway, when WDW found out about my plans of dating another, he confronted me by text:

Wont Die Wondering: Dating a futures trader?
Beautiful but Grumpy: Almost
WDW: What's almost?
BbG: Almost means that something has been accomplished but not fully
WDW: Haha you are very amusing….enjoyed the yes man book?
BbG: not finished yet. Will post it back when I'm done.
WDW: Post it back? Not planning to see me to give it back?
BbG: no
WDW: Fine, but I am not sure I will ever get your shoes in the mailbox….
(I left a pair of cute high heels at his place few weeks ago)
BbG: Keep them for the next slave.
WDW: You were never a slave and pretty sure they would never fit into your shoe….
BbG: Well then you just need to search. Next time try specific websites
WDW: Well I would like to see you again to return the shoes at the very least – don’t care about the book, won’t read it again…
…..

WDW: Do you want your shoes back?

At which point I must have fallen asleep so not sure if I'll ever get my shoes back…

Hi. How are the cows?

Right. So I’ve been flirting with Reece, a futures trader. And as planned, I'm stepping away from geeky talk to something more meaningful…

Beautiful but Grumpy: Hey. How are the cows? x
(forgot to mention that Reece also runs a farm...)
Reece: Hey sweetie, cows are happy just now after some rain to make the grass grow; am embarking on an energy project next week, should be fun
BbG: Energy project sounds great and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the rain for you. Been to any good bars recently?
Reece: only one; it was few days ago and I ran into this interesting girl who turned my head
BbG: Ha, ha. Sounds like it was special. Might be worth asking her out some time (to see if she really is that interesting or if it was the rum…)
Reece: Nah…it was the rum
BbG: At least you know exactly what works for you and it sounds reliable. You’re lucky!
Reece: hehe
BbG :-)
Reece: Don’t know when we can hook up but we should
BbG: Maybe when it’s raining so you would feel something is working while you are having fun!
Reece: Ok, cool. Shouldn’t have long to wait in the uk then…

I've checked the weather report and it looks sunny all the way to the weekend... My luck.

Being a geek at heart…

Here is a recent example of just how hopeless I can be with men:

I meet Reece in a bar in the City. He takes my number after we chat for quite a while.

Text comes in the next few days:

Reece: Good fun the other evening. Feeling really special today; working in this condition is just so much fun!
Beautiful but Grumpy: Yes, it was fun. What are you working on?
Reece: Working on the long term cycles of the live cattle futures market just now. Would much rather be doing energy work
BbG: Are you using your own software for that?
Reece: Yes, plus some other wee gizmos that we haven’t programmed yet


The end

How to fall out of love

So it's been about a month since my first office romance has ended. But it only ended for me, as it became apparent from Matthew's e-mails, which contain various emotional massages – ranging from anger and arrogance to the kindest and sweetest little notes.

And in addition, I am to spend an entire management meeting seating opposite him. I recognise his aftershave immediately and I swear, if I close my eyes I will feel like being in bed with him again, that's how strong it is (although we never actually slept with each other!). He's changed – contact lenses instead of glasses, serious and thoughtful expression on his face (not that he looked like an imbecile before). I know exactly why I fancied him – that deep voice! People naturally turn to him when hear him speak.

But I also know very well why he wasn't for me – he is controlling, and under all this apparent manliness he is quite insecure and lost.

The meeting is being scheduled by our senior manager, Jay - we are to decide on the mid year grading of the whole department. This is not one of the boring meetings I often attend, where people try to monopolise the time to only solve their issues or in turn can't make simple decisions! Today the pressure is on identifying certain number of people as 'underperformers', to fit in the curve of the organisation as a whole. Not easy, but needs to be done.

It's 5 of us here, and just like '12 Angry Men', no one wants to be here today.

My boss, for instance - he's e-mailed this morning warning that he will be in later than usual. It transpires his brother has been sectioned again. I notice tiny traces of blood on his otherwise immaculate white shirt. Yes, he's got a 10 year younger sibling, who is bio-polar, and has been in and out of hospitals for past 8 years. As much as I sometimes hate my boss, I do admire his heroic affords to 'save' his brother.

Then there is Neal, who hasn't slept since 4am as his 6 months old daughter kept him awake, but his dreamy grin tells us all how much he enjoys fatherhood.

''I don't believe she is capable of that Neal - she looks like an angel'' I complement Neal's child, who was brought to the office last week to say 'Hello'. At which point Matthew gives me a certain look – the look of 'you see, you could have had one just like that (if not better) if you stayed with me'.

And there is Rick – a bold, ex equities trader – who clearly has no desire to be here, as his long awaited holiday in Mallorca, with mates, starts tomorrow.

Contrary to my predictions, the meeting runs smoothly, and we agree to downgrade 2 out of 13 people. Not bad. And as its lunchtime and a sunny day, they all head to the pub next door for a pint. Except me – don't want to create opportunities for mingling with Matthew.

As usual, my boss only returns to the office to pick up his jacket, and to thank me for staying behind with the team. Of course, not a problem – a pleasure in fact, I assure him, and suggest gently he should rest after the traumatic events of the previous night. Once I have his attention I ask if he's eaten anything today.

He looks at me with a curiosity and a different level of seriousness I haven’t seen in him before, then he quickly composes himself, laughs it off with ''Eating is cheating!'' and waves me good bye.

The next morning, to my surprise, I receive a text. It’s from my boss, Jay:

''Hi. Went for a drink with Matthew last night and he was very upset. He told me you were a couple until a month ago? He is confused and I think he just wants to be friends with you as he misses your friendship. Just though I would let you know''.

Oh, great. He told him! Idiot.

I don’t need to think much about a reply:

''Morning Jay! Thanks for letting me know but I don't think I can be friends with him at the moment. I am purely thinking about work and how it would be affected. Hope you are OK.''

My boss texts back: ''I totally understand about you and Matthew. He was crying!.....I really like your intense personality! x''

What does that mean? Is he still drunk or is he…hitting on me?

How NOT to pull women

Last sunny Sunday I drop by a pub in Clapham Common for a drink with Rosa (who interestingly is my X's brother's ex, which makes our friendship even more special).


The place has a great decked garden and is packed with media type, young and good looking, including Richard and Judy's male offspring, who sits at our table and like everyone else here, wears trendy 80' sunglasses and is downing shots.

As it is getting loud and busy, Rosa and I choose to stand up. And as our conversation moves towards girly subjects – mainly complaining about a dry skin around the lips, which commonly occurs in the summer and is, in Rosa's opinion, a sign of dehydration - two handsome guys pass us slowly with visible amusement on their faces. I'm smiling too realising they've heard our dilemma.

They then linger near us and greet the host of the gathering, Rosa's friend Kate. One of them, blond with a messy but very sexy hair, wearing sunglasses (of course!) and some rock&roll t-shirt, faces me (while Kate introduces Rosa to his friend) and asks with husky voice and a grin:
“How is your skin? Still dry?”
“Oh, it's not me – it's my friend” I answer and just can't believe I lie about something that could easily be verified – I actually have some flaky skin around my lower lip.

And wanting to swiftly change the subject I inquire:
“Can you play a guitar?”

“No” he answers.

“Have you got a dog?” I am on the roll now…

“No” he comes again. “That's rather interesting series of questions” he adds.

But I lose interest and take Rosa's offer to get drinks from the bar. He only manages to whisper, “Nice to meet you” to my back.

Shortly after that I leave the party behind, trying not to be late to the dinner that Won't die Wondering is preparing, but I can’t stop thinking about what happened earlier.

I suddenly realise that I might have become desensitized. Yes, not much impresses me any more when it comes to being chatted up. I feel I've seen it all since being on the 'dating scene' for almost a year.

Or was this guy just not good enough?

Romance on court, mysterious wounds and poked eyes

Looks like I have a new admirer in the office. Nick, a very promising manager, who has gone jogging with me few times when the weather was so glorious. He is now also a member of my netball team so all in all, he is trying to get closer, I believe.

After previous week's netball injuries, including my own mysterious one - imitating a deep knife slash to the calf, as if I took a part in a violent gang fight - I get another chance to taste some quality netball. And Nick is here too.

I am not expecting miracles, knowing we are against last season's winners. And when I hear our guys calling one of the opponents 'magnificent' or 'a flying monkey' I seriously start to doubt our chances. Nevertheless, our 'centre', Luke, doesn't loose faith, quite the opposite, he now resembles an Arab horse that is about to enter a race – steaming with energy!

OK, we are in. The first quarter seemed like it only lasted a minute. I now know what guys meant earlier when referring to the rival as 'a flying monkey' – this guy is bouncy – he is very little, but he compensates with 4 foot jumps, that happen right in my face, as he is a wing defence to my wing attack. The first jig freaks me out, to say the least.

It doesn't look good, and by 6-0 in their favour, we are fully aware of what this 'magnificent Jeff' is capable of. At one point he drops the ball in while standing backwards! (But having glimpse of Nick’s legs in tight shorts keeps me in a fantastic mood regardless.)

By 12-3 we are drained in sweat, and all look at each other with resignation, seeing the opponents changing players frequently - bringing fresh pairs of legs and capable hands. They even have someone, who’s sole aim of existence on the side of the pitch, is to scream ‘GO MONKEYS, GO!!!!!!!’ In contrast, we have only one player to change, and some of us haven’t played since high school, or come from a country that has totally different netball rules (don’t ask…).

It must have been 14-4 by then - our two players Luke and Paul (who have just entered the court with a power of bulls who’ve been waiting for the turn with a matador) crush into each other, and then bounce off violently, leaving Luke flat on the ground with his hands and legs spread, lying still after hitting his head on the ground. Everyone gathers around him in silence, while the referee pushes through, shouting, 'Don't touch him!’ After a short examination he is allowed to slowly leave the court, but his 'career' is over, just for tonight.

Somehow, united by the tragedy, we come back fully mobilised; with freshly injected energy and Paul with Jamie now in goal circle, Lucy works her magic to make goals happen. We are on the roll. And by 15-10 we are practically running the show - passing the ball and laughing out loud, realising we are actually doing all right against last year's winners!

And then it happens. A loud cry. Everyone freezes - it's Nick, bended in half, holding his left eye with both palms. We run towards him worried to death. 'It's my eye' he utters with unnaturally high pitched voice. 'What happened?' inquires referee. 'I think she poked me' Nick indicates towards a short, pretty brunette, who is now trying to look as innocent as she possibly can.

Sophie soberly takes his hands off the eye, and while inspecting it asks with seriousness worth Vietnam War, 'Can you play half blind?’

And so Nick returns to the game. By the end of the forth quarter it's 22-11, but we still can't stop laughing from the events of the evening, and totally don't mind loosing the match knowing that everyone, including the winning team, will remember it.

But I will remember something else – I will remember seeing Nick leaving the court in the company of his ‘attacker’ and heading towards the pub, where he no doubt will quickly forgive her all 'the physical abuse'. How romantic! Aghh. I pick up my stuff and decide to walk all the way home.