The return of Mr TV Director

Dan [Mr Tv Director] scarred my soul forever. In the next life, even if I come back as a gazelle, he will be able to recognise me by the scar he's left on my soul.

After not seeing each other for the whole two months, yesterday we got in touch again. It’s probably a mistake. The last time we met was rather disastrous. Our expectations were mismatched. He purely wanted sex (so he kept saying but was giving mixed signals), and I wanted... love.

Nothing has changed, except maybe that I might need to lower my expectations if I wanted to be seeing him.

We are both on Guardian Soulmates and exchange e-mails about latest dating results:

Mr TV Director: The date was, er, interesting. Polish! Barbara. I liked her. I didn't really fancy her, but the strange thing is, I would have slept with her because she had such a remarkable body! Slim legs and small bum, podgy waist, big boobs and big fat face! She got bigger as she went up.

I certainly don't want a relationship with her, but she has aroused my curiosity. She's bisexual and was asking me if I knew any women I could introduce her to!

If the three of us were to meet, wouldn't that be fun?

Beautiful but Grumpy: Sounds good. Was she actually sexy?
Mr TV Director: Not as sexy as you, but yes! I might be able to point you towards some pics.
BbG: Is she good in bed? Confident, imaginative, etc…
Mr TV Director: I guess so but I haven't slept with her!
BbG: You might need to sleep with her first to test her. Otherwise we might have got together, start the fun...and realise she is useless!
Mr TV Director: Ha! If you were with me it's bound to be fun anyway, even if she just watches!
BbG: Is she at least a good kisser? She might not like to watch. Did you ask her?
Mr TV Director: We only had a tiny kiss! It was mostly chat! And no, I didn't ask her that, but I wouldn't be surprised.
The whole idea has me too turned on! I’m sitting here rock hard. Perhaps if you were to drop by, I could give you something to write about.
BbG: Desperation doesn’t taste good.
Mr TV Director: Ha! I’m sure I taste ok…
BbG: I wouldn’t mind if Barbara was a prostitute and there was a bottle of champaign.
Mr TV Director: I can offer you a can of Guinness?
BbG: What about the whore?
Mr TV Director: And just where am I going to get her? We could go for a browse in the pub…
BbG: You are a director! You should be able to get ANYTHING.
Mr TV Director: I suppose I could ask my other Polish friend, Katarina!
BbG: Does she sell her body?
Mr TV Director: Does money HAVE to be involved??
BbG: Mmm. I just want someone professional.
Mr TV Director: I have never slept with Kat, she might not even reply, but she is VERY experienced!
BbG: When is this orgy planned for?
Mr TV Director: I don’t know! Shall I text Kat?? You might not fancy her but she is sexy.
BbG: Sexy is good. But I can’t tonight. I have a dance class. Ask her when she wants it.
Mr TV Director: Ok, I’ll ask! God knows what she’ll say. And if the dance gets your endorphins going… I’m staying in tonight.