Serious Porn

I’m going back to 505, if it’s a 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive,
In my imagination you’re waiting, lying on your side,
With your hands between your thighs

Stop and wait a sec,
Oh when you look at me like that my darling,
What did you expect,
I’ll probably still adore you with your hands around my neck,
Or I did last time I checked

But I crumble completely when you cry,
It seems like once again you’ve had to greet me with goodbye
I’m always just about to go and spoil the surprise
Take my hands off of your eyes too soon

I’m listening to this tune when I get a text from Mr TV Director:

Mr TV Director: Ever thought of starring in a film?
Beautiful but Grumpy: Have you?
Mr TV Director: Ha. I have thought about it.
BbG: And?
Mr TV Director: And didn't go through with it.
BbG: What kind of thing? Porn?
Mr TV Director: Yes
BbG: Ha, ha. You look too serious for porn!
Mr TV Director: Serious porn.
BbG: I could try to film you with the Malaysian (woman/man)
Mr TV Director: Try? You have a camera?
BbG: No, but you must have access, no? Hmm. You got me really excited here. I could write a script (with your help).
Mr TV Director: : ) no access actually! Well, maybe…But I know a director in the business
BbG: But would you let him be involved with you being a main character??
Mr TV Director: Maybe. He makes stuff for the web. But I don't want to be recognised.
BbG: That's another challenge we would need to discuss ;-) who would you like to be a leading female?
Mr TV Director: If you're happy to be filmed, he would be delighted! Er…Fern Cotton.
BbG: She looks like a bird.
Mr TV Director: Yes. I like her! What kind of woman do you like??
BbG: I like BOTH women starring in Mulholland drive.
Mr TV Director: Ok, I've seen them. Classically beautiful!
BbG: You like?
Mr TV Director: But of course! Can you get them?
BbG: Can you get Fern?
Mr TV Director: Er… I'll look for her on facebook.

I'm tempted! I must admit...

And my New Year resolution is to.... learn how to masturbate in a shower and/or toilet. Because tomorrow I'm going to Aberdeen for Christmas (on the coach for 12 hours!) - my flight has been cancelled...

Happy Christmas everyone! xxx