How to end a romance

To add to, what has already become a work-romance disaster, I’ve ended up looking like a female chauvinist.

I just want to end the misery of this bleeding-to-death-romance so I meet Matthew for a drink after work to talk things over. Last week I finally revealed I didn’t want to meet his mother, because it was all too committing.

Now in the pub, surrounded by couples that sit too close for comfort, Matthew breaks silence ‘’I don’t want to get hurt… Maybe it’s best to just stay friends’’.

I’m there listening, looking through the pub’s window on brunches of a blossoming tree, gently waving on this sunny day. How unusual to find a fruit tree in the heart of the city.

I sigh and feel my irritation rising, ‘’Can’t you try to enjoy the experience; just being, being together, without always trying to reach some outcome. It can be refreshing’’, I add.

But Matthew is not getting it.

The next day he’s texting from his best mate’s wedding that we’ve supposed to go to together:

Matthew: Hi. How was work today? I couldn’t help but hear Jason’s [our temperamental boss] outburst yesterday, are you ok?

What I would like to reply is: of course I’m ok – it’s Friday night and I’m having a good time. And you should be doing the same!

What I actually reply is: Hi. Thanks. Yeah there was a bit of a situation but I managed to play it cool (I think). Are you at the wedding?

Matthew: Yeah I think you did play it cool, he really showed himself up with that one. Yes at wedding but could do with getting out of here. Have purposefully not had a drink in case I decide to.

BbG: You are joking! Not having a drink at wedding? Not enjoying it?

Matthew: No not joking. Not really enjoying it plus hardly know anyone either and realise how stupid and insensitive I have been this week and that you should be here with me :-(

Ahh, that’s daring to admit it, but not really what I want to hear, considering I want this to be over if we can’t see each other on my, non-commitment terms…

BbG: You did what you thought was best for you. I’ve started to think that you were right. If you can’t have a casual sexual relations than best to be just friends.

Matthew: Well there is that part but it seemed more than casual to me because I really feel for you and realised how much I enjoy your company and that it was a really good thing. I know you were not looking for anything because of where you were before and I shouldn’t have assumed otherwise. I suppose it comes down to if all you’ll ever want is casual or whether you just want casual because of being in long relationship previously. Have felt awful since speaking on Tuesday and have missed you.

Oh God, he’s not making it easy for me – I’ve got to say something I know he won’t settle for…

BbG: In truth I’m only interested in sex now. Please don’t judge me.

I can’t believe I’m admitting it, but it is the truth, it makes me feel good, totally relaxed and in control of my (single but not alone) life.


Matthew: Not going to judge you at all, everyone wants that at times. I just thought there might have been more there as I felt a chemistry and it certainly didn’t just feel like that was the only reason we were seeing each other. Well I suppose at least I know now :-(

I can’t afford to keep reassuring him – it drains me out.

No more reassurance. He’s got to deal with it. I'm not replying and instead, promissing myself never to mix work and pleasure again.