Friday, 22 July 2011

Spread your legs, or Miss Secretary meets her Boss

And it happened.
I throw myself on the bed. Adam squeezes my bum.
‘Aaah’ he whispers and stares at it for a while.
Then he quickly takes my silk panties off and begins to kiss me between legs.
‘Spread your legs’ I hear him say. I spread them wide open and lose myself in pleasure.


‘You’ve got a nice body’ I complement my new lover while touching his muscular legs.
‘I eat crisps’ he replies.
‘Don’t make me laugh - I can’t be aggressive’ I giggle and greedily kiss his neck.

I lay in Adam’s arms under a dim light. Silence. He gently caresses my back. 
‘You’ve found an imperfection?’ I ask quietly.
‘No’ he whispers, now caressing my neck ‘it’s ALL perfect’ he adds with slightly trembling voice. I beam with pleasure and hold on to him tighter.
‘Why don’t we see each other more often?’ I drop surprising both of us.
‘What?’ he asks and lifts himself off the pillow. ‘I didn’t want a relationship. My career has finally picked up and I just didn’t want a responsibility. But then again, you are independent and have a busy job...’ I freeze. ‘And I DO want to keep seeing my secretary. I do...’ he adds enthusiastically and tries to hug me while I'm involuntary pulling away. Adam tries to hold me back. 
‘Ah, it’s all ruined now...’ I hear him say from behind my shoulder.
I switch off the light.
We lay in silent darkness. Suddenly I hear Adam drawing a deep breath. He slowly turns me towards him, cuddles me, caresses my chin and then gently cups my face in his palms. I feel warmth of his body when he kisses me, for what seems like, a very long time.

A text comes the next day:
Adam: I forgot to say I met your Malaysian housemate on the kitchen stairs this morning. I think he thought I was a burglar.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Notes


Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

I've had my date with a comedian called Adam (aka the Boss) and I am dying to tell you all about it. But in the meantime I will share a last-minute conversation we had a day before our date:

Beautiful but Grumpy: Hello Boss. Here are the details of your conference: Address. Dress code: smart casual. What food do you fancy? There is so much choice here (no 7 courses please - I want you in my bed  asap). Your Secretary x


The Boss: Miss Secretary. Thank you for the information - very efficient as usual! I have a small request in that I have to dine with my agent at 6.30, so rather than a meal could we go for drinks? I can be with you for 8.30. x

BbG: 8.30 is fine (although I thought I was your agent) x

The Boss: Agent is work only. Secretary is my very helpful assistant who I allow to get personal with. Actually, Miss Secretary I have some notes for you. Do you have a pen?

BbG: Yes my Boss...

The Boss: OK good. Notes are as follows...

The Boss: I want to fuck your mouth, your pussy, and your ass. End of notes.

Friday, 1 July 2011

The beginning

Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

Sometimes we just can't imagine how honesty can change the reality.

The Boss: Oh miss! My sister is coming to Brighton at the weekend and I have to meet her early Saturday morning. Can we postpone our Friday conference for another time? Sorry!x
I lay on my bed and think of what to reply. I should tell him to go to hell but my heart sinks. It meant so much to finally see him again.
Beautiful but Grumpy: Oh, I was really looking forward to seeing you. You’ll need to make it up to me big time!
The Boss: I know, sorry – family an all that. I will definitely make it up to you. I will save up all my energy so I will be like a sex dynamo!
BbG: Oh and what should I do with this freshly waxed Brazilian? Keep in on ice?
The Boss: Oh man... (heart skips beat).. actually, ice cubes + my mouth + your Brazilian would be something to write about.
BbG: Didn’t know you were good at maths... Ok, I forgive you this time. Have a great weekend x

15 min later...
The Boss: Stop Press! My sister got her stupid times wrong (she’s coming to Brighton via France, you see). She won’t be here till Saturday eve so your boss can still make Friday after all. Is that Brazillian still smooth?
BbG: I can’t make it this Friday – I’ve jumped out of the window, you see.
The Boss: Ok, but you must still be alive in order to send this text. All I need is a pulse and I can do the rest.
BbG: What if I had no nose? Would you still go ahead?
The Boss: You’ve got a dimmer on your light switch haven’t you?
BbG: You animal! What if I was making very strange noise (as a result of this accident, of course)?The Boss: I’d probably be breathing heavier.
BbG: What if I only had a head and the rest would be a machine [an unattractive machine (and no nose)...]?
The Boss:  A double whisky and coke and i’m good to go.
BbG:  You bustard!
The Boss: I think it’s romantic.
BbG: Sorry, have I spelled ‘bustard’ right?
The Boss: yeah, that’s the way Queen says it.
BbG: So you think it’s romantic to shag a human vegetable?
The Boss: I’d bring a rose.
BbG: And a nose!
The Boss: Miss secretary is getting very sarcastic. I think she needs a good dressing down. Even if she is just wires.
BbG: Ok, I admit, it’s romantic...
The Boss: There, that’s better.
BbG: Don’t patronise me!
The Boss: I tell you what, miss secretary, I’ve a good mind to stick my hand up your skirt for that sort of remark.
BbG: Luckily I’m wearing a polka dot skirt right now...laying on my bed...
The Boss: Well then I’d stick my hand up that polka dot skirt, pull your knickers to one side and roughly finger you to teach you a lesson.
BbG: And then I would roughly hand-job you (because I know you don’t like it).
The Boss: Ouch!
BbG: That wouldn’t make me stop. Oh no.
The Boss: I’d be the one jumping out of the window.
BbG: And we would live happily ever after.
The Boss: The End.
BbG: Not a beginning?
The Boss: We’re only just beginning. Why do I have a desire to stand you up and tongue you from behind? explain that.
BbG: Was there a song like this?
The Boss: Oh yeah. I think it was Kylie and Jason?
BbG: And look what happened to them.
The Boss: They had some good times though. And Kylie used to like having a hand up her skirt so I heard.
BbG: I’ll take it as a good omen.