A single man




Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

 

Single, mature men are lost in the delicate web of modern relationships.

I met Reece over a year ago at a mask ball. For a stock market trader he proved to be an imaginative and sensitive lover. We were in touch. Nothing else.

And again, Reece’s text arrives when I am in France.

Reece: Hi M, Reece here. Are you around later? No idea how things will pan out as have to meet some friends at some posh gathering but I may be able to sneak off later.

The weather in Chamonix is sunny and warm. I notice Alpine flowers in the grass and think about what I really want from life, from men and from myself.  And finally I feel ready to tell him what I think about his casual way of asking me ‘out’.

Beautiful but Grumpy: No, I’m not around. Have you maybe mistaken me for a whore?

Reece: Haha, that’s a good response! I was thinking more along the lines of something to eat, but, erm, there you go

……

The next morning…

Reece: And how is the hooker feeling this morning? Used and abused?

BbG: Definitely used – in Chamonix, climbed Mt Blanc (with a fractured leg), flying back tonight. And how was the posh gathering?

Reece: Posh gathering was predictably poor…fractured leg up mt blanc sounds painful

BbG: But it’s an achievement! Well, next time take a whore to entertain you.

Reece: Maybe I should! I’ll check your rates next time and see if I can afford it

I pick up my crutches from the bench and furiously start walking until I feel exhausted.
I collapse on the hotel bed.
The leg is aching.
But not as much as my heart. 

Haribo and masturbation



Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

 
London was a chaos last week. Anarchy on the streets. Theft, fire, and violence.

It brings to mind the old question: “ How would you spend your last minutes knowing the world is ending?” People often answer ‘having sex’. Really, I ask? How easy would it be to find someone to have sex with, right there, on the spot.

For me, this idea evokes even stronger desire to get together with my comedian lover, Adam-the-Boss. So I try to sense if he’s still busy with work, or if we could soon merge in wild love-making:

Beautiful but Grumpy: It’s so hard to work from home. How do you do it??

The Boss: Haribo and masturbation x

BbG: Perfect title for a song. I’m on Nutella. Not so easy to masturbate with a broken leg tho. X

The Boss: Broken leg? God, how did you do that? My turn to business travel now – off to LA! X

BbG: How long for, you lucky thing? I’ve never been (take me with you!) Nothing serious – broken fibula (looking sexy on crutches). Hit by a rolling stone on the way to Mt Blanc but made it to the top! X

The Boss: ouch. Sounds painful. Rest up and heal. X

BbG: Thanks. Have fun in LA (don’t forget your sunblock) x

I stare at my broken leg resting comfortably on the bed frame.

Do I really look sexy on crutches? Why did I need to tell him about the leg?  He is so busy, and the trip to LA must be for a film pitch. Last thing he needs is to be troubled by the outcomes of my risky sports adventures. I add another pillow to support my sore ankle.

God, what if he actually becomes famous? He probably would have even less time for me… It would be great to see him succeed though. He’s so talented and hard working. I lay in bed, with my miserable broken leg, imagining all the fun that fame could bring.

Notes



Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi


I've had my date with a comedian called Adam (aka the Boss) and I am dying to tell you all about it. But in the meantime I will share a last-minute conversation we had a day before our date:

Beautiful but Grumpy: Hello Boss. Here are the details of your conference: Address. Dress code: smart casual. What food do you fancy? There is so much choice here (no 7 courses please - I want you in my bed  asap). Your Secretary x


The Boss: Miss Secretary. Thank you for the information - very efficient as usual! I have a small request in that I have to dine with my agent at 6.30, so rather than a meal could we go for drinks? I can be with you for 8.30. x

BbG: 8.30 is fine (although I thought I was your agent) x

The Boss: Agent is work only. Secretary is my very helpful assistant who I allow to get personal with. Actually, Miss Secretary I have some notes for you. Do you have a pen?

BbG: Yes my Boss...

The Boss: OK good. Notes are as follows...

The Boss: I want to fuck your mouth, your pussy, and your ass. End of notes.

The First Night

I've had a riveting first date with WDW, and the second date is set for this week. But in between, we craved to meet at night… Like vampires. Not for a date. Not with a purpose. But purely to savour being together, at night.

Friday 8.20pm, my place

A ring to the door. He's early and I'm still brushing my teeth. We said 8.30pm. I open the door and he stands there, with a travel bag on one shoulder, glowing with curiosity. He passes me, brushing my lips with a soft kiss. I feel his excitement transferring onto me.

I watch him walking boldly into the kitchen, opening the freezer and starting loading it with strawberry ice cream. He then begins to open cupboards 'Are you looking for something specific or is it an inspection?' I say, and giggle at seeing him all so comfortable in my kitchen. 'Wine glasses for us. I brought wine' he replies smiling.

What was supposed to be a quick meal, takes me ages to prepare. Probably because I don't focus. We talk. Or rather I talk and he listens. From time to time he gets up, from the comfortable corner of the sofa, to give me a hug or a kiss or just to look at me closely, when I lay out my story.

We eat fish, drink white wine. And he seems ready to open up.

He shares with me a heartbreaking picture of Johannesburg. I don't believe him when he says empathy is not his strong point. I look at him and try to figure out who he is.

He admits having a tendency to view the world through a black and white prism, probably because he has seen so much pain.

'It's not that simple. It's not just black and white - there are many shades of grey'… I interrupt with passion. He gets up and gives me a long kiss. Long enough for me to forget about world poverty tonight.

'Has anyone ever told you the way you eat ice-cream is highly seductive?...' he looks at me intensely until I blush. We kiss and undress, while clumsily making our way towards the bedroom.

'Have you ever done it in the cupboard'? he asks, smiling invitingly.
……

'Jeez, your long hair is everywhere. I've just found some in my underpants!' he complains in bed.
'They don't normally fall out like that' I lie.
'Can I fart?' he asks trying to sound innocent. 'No!', I reply firmly, and soon fall asleep blissfully exhausted, with my face in his chest.

A second date

Won'tDieWondering is fast. 
In fact, so fast that he's already managed to:

- invite me to Johannesburg
- ask me to join him in a triathlon
- suggest having sex
- propose having anal sex
- demand I admit we are in relationship
- ask to be considered being a guest of honour at my Mother's wedding

But he's not fast enough to secure a second date!

Love letter

I've had a (love) letter... from another blogger!

When I broke the news to my work-friend Linda, (who also blogs) her reaction was ''Great! Who is it? Not that Fishy guy?!''

''No, not Fishy'' I reassured her and laughed.

Here is the 'love letter':

''Hello BBg,
I have taken the liberty of sending you this email as I enjoy your blog and would enjoy some banter - this is none other than Won'tDieWondering here.

How is the year panning out for you? I am currently loving going out with my mates and rebuilding my life (not that its broken, just completely changed)

Anyways, this is obviously just a short note to drop the ball in your court. I like how you think and some of the things you have posted.

Cheers,
WDW''

Whoever would want to date me after reading my blog must be completely mad!

Well, I'll never know if I don’t give it a chance, and meet the guy.
You think I’m doing the right thing?

A salty taste of revenge

For those of you who are new to my blog, let me run you through recent events in my life - some weeks ago, my friend Ella has agreed to date a guy she knew I liked, Andy. In the end, they only met for one drink and their mutual interest died. But my bruised ego was still very much alive and demanding revenge!

It wasn't enough to say 'NO' to Andy, who dared to ask me out later on. No, I needed something stronger, something memorable.

Luckily for me, it somehow arranged itself…

Ella rents out a spare bedroom, and this time, a guy from Sydney, John, took the room. Ella liked him, cooked for him, occasionally watched films with him, and… ended up in bed with him. But she was still claiming being cool with it – no feelings involved.

I got to meet John on the night that Ella, Andy and I came from the club back to her place. There I witnessed her disappearance into John's bedroom.

The next time I meet Ella's lover is on one Thursday's night, when after a great evening in The East Room, I come to crash at hers:

We walk into the hall, taking coats off, giggling and already planning to have some honey vodka, that Ella keeps in the freezer. John emerges from his bedroom wearing some sport gear (why do men do that - wearing football shirt when not playing football?) and he joins the party. John and I hit it off, laughing a lot, and giving each other fitness tips. And we drink vodka in shots. Three of us then move into a more intimate conversational territory - love, patriotism, truth, theology, sex and canarries. We are warmed by the vodka, feeling nostalgic and… sexy.

I pop the question with a curious smile ''So… are we going to sleep, or shall we three have fun?'' Ella looks into my eyes to check if I'm not joking, but I confidently look back, first into her eyes and then John's, while taking his hand. I lead him through the hall, having Ella following, and asking with an excited smile ''Whose room you prefer''?

We settle for John's bed…

A few days later e-mail from Ella arrives:

''I've asked John to move out. He's not happy about it but I can't forget how neglected I felt that night when I was constantly on the end edge of the bed and you two were going for it. I'm not blaming you of course, just want John out.
Let's have coffee soon xxx''