A man with a past [Mr Monkey Media]

If I was treating this date as a test, James would fail in ethics and I would get unsatisfactory in carefreeness.

7.45pm Leicester Square (3 days ago)

I'm nervously looking around for any free access to Odeon Leicester Square, where preparations to the film premiere are taking place. No one is allowed near the building. How am I going to meet James here? I wonder.

His profile mentioned he thrives on challenge. Could he possibly have set me one tonight? Is it an experiment?

My mind is quickly scanning all the information I have about him. He is much older than me at 41, born in London but lived in Hamburg for past 5 years, where he has left his long term partner, and a child. He owns a media company and expresses interest in women who are 'a little carefree and wish to grow and communicate'. James uses a pseudonym of David Lynch, which brought us together, as I'm a big fan of the director. Then the mail with his poem followed. I enjoy poetry but this one somehow failed to engage me.

It's already 7.55pm, I text James to say that it will be difficult to meet. He texts back suggesting meeting in All Bar One next to it. But All Bar One is next to Odeon West End and not Leicester Square! We meet at the bar. I'm not impressed with his mistake, which I'm not prepared to hide, and instead of '’Hello'’ say '’I hate you'’. He laughs and asks what I want to drink.

He looks good for his age and he knows he is attractive. We talk about David Lynch for a while. I can't quite place James's accent. He says its south London, Croydon. He may well sound like a gangster, if it wasn't for 'big' words plunged occasionally. He drinks fast; talks a lot, mainly about himself.

His media company turns out to be a magazine specialising in boat design. Hmmm. Here is where the name dropping starts. James met Abramovich.

‘’I couldn’t believe how vulnerable he came across. Like a lost child. I just didn't want to sell him anything. I think he respected me for that’’.

James now goes out for cigarette every 10 minutes. He is excited and tells me he feels he can trust me. '’That's easy because I'm a good person and it shows. Can I trust you though?'’ I ask. He smiles and suddenly becomes serious '’No. I can't even trust myself. There is a lot of darkness in me'’. I then remember his profile’s response to the question 'Do you take drugs' being 'Not anymore'. I wonder if that is true.

One thing is on my mind now – how can I escape? James, sensing it, asks if I feel that there is 'more than what we see' and if I believed in signs. Without waiting for my reply he swiftly takes out something from his pocket. It's a small toy – Grey Bear carrying an even smaller, white rabbit in its arms. '’I've found it on the underground, on my way to meet you’', he says looking into my eyes. I exhale and slowly pronounce '’I am not prepared to be that bear’'. He mumbles something and goes out for a cigarette, leaving me with the bear staring from the table.

Finally he’s back and seeing the bear still on the counter, snatches the toy. There is an awkward moment of silence.

'’Some call me delusional'’ he reveals without looking at me. I can now agree with that but out of pity say

'’They might call you that, but in the end, it will be you who might succeed in something great, because you had a vision’'. He loves it and feels encouraged to tell me more.

He begins a monologue about having sex with his German ex-girlfriend after their break up and how he introduced her to anal sex. '’I made her do it with me all the time, knowing I was going back to England soon, as if to fill myself up’'. I feel sick.

'’Let's go’', I say, ‘'I need to be early at work tomorrow’'.

We are approaching Piccadilly line, going opposite directions, when James whispers '’I want you to have this bear’'. '’You found it, you keep it'’ I say quickly. He kisses me on the cheek and jumps on the train without looking back.