Monday, 29 August 2011

I want to pull your knickers to one side

Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

Beautiful but Grumpy: Dear Boss. Miss Secretary is going away for a week. She will still have a pen ready if notes are to be taken.

The Boss: You’re always going away. I dread to think what will be added to that sex blog of yours ;)

BbG: Actually, I need someone to post when I’m away.

The Boss: OK but I refuse to load up any jpegs. Where are you going?

BbG: I’m off to Gdansk to spend some time at seaside. You won’t understand since you spend all your time that way.

The Boss: Well have a lovely time. In.. in.. where? Gdansk? I do wish you’d stop making things up.

BbG: ha, ha. Not making things up J

The Boss: I want to pull your knickers to one side and taste you. Then I want to kiss your mouth.

BbG: I want that too. And while you are kissing me I want to push my hips until I feel you hard and pulsating.

The Boss: Oooh.. now you’re talking.

BbG: Adam…

The Boss: I want to finger fuck you until you cum over my hand.

BbG: I would come instantly

The Boss: I just want to slowly push two fingers inside you, making you shudder as I play with you.

BbG: you’ve just made me cum. It was hard to keep quiet.

The Boss: Mmm… I like that. Now you just need your neck caressing and kissed and you’d have a nice night’s sleep J
…..

The next morning…

BbG: Fell asleep showered with affection. Thank you. Have a lovely Friday J

The Boss: I’ve just woken up and I’m imagining you playing with yourself. Now I’m the one turn on.

BbG: Imagine that I’m really close, that you can feel my warmth.

The Boss: Waaay ahead of you ;)

BbG: Congratulations ;)

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

A single man



Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi
 

Single, mature men are lost in the delicate web of modern relationships.

I met Reece over a year ago at a mask ball. For a stock market trader he proved to be an imaginative and sensitive lover. We were in touch. Nothing else.

And again, Reece’s text arrives when I am in France.




Reece: Hi M, Reece here. Are you around later? No idea how things will pan out as have to meet some friends at some posh gathering but I may be able to sneak off later.

The weather in Chamonix is sunny and warm. I notice Alpine flowers in the grass and think about what I really want from life, from men and from myself.  And finally I feel ready to tell him what I think about his casual way of asking me ‘out’.

Beautiful but Grumpy: No, I’m not around. Have you maybe mistaken me for a whore?
Reece: Haha, that’s a good response! I was thinking more along the lines of something to eat, but, erm, there you go
……
The next morning…

Reece: And how is the hooker feeling this morning? Used and abused?
BbG: Definitely used – in Chamonix, climbed Mt Blanc (with a fractured leg), flying back tonight. And how was the posh gathering?
Reece: Posh gathering was predictably poor…fractured leg up mt blanc sounds painful
BbG: But it’s an achievement! Well, next time take a whore to entertain you.
Reece: Maybe I should! I’ll check your rates next time and see if I can afford it

I pick up my crutches from the bench and furiously start walking until I feel exhausted.
I collapse on the hotel bed.
The leg is aching.
But not as much as my heart. 

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Haribo and masturbation


Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi
 
London was a chaos last week. Anarchy on the streets. Theft, fire, and violence.

It brings to mind the old question: “ How would you spend your last minutes knowing the world is ending?” People often answer ‘having sex’. Really, I ask? How easy would it be to find someone to have sex with, right there, on the spot.


For me, this idea evokes even stronger desire to get together with my comedian lover, Adam-the-Boss. So I try to sense if he’s still busy with work, or if we could soon merge in wild love-making:

Beautiful but Grumpy: It’s so hard to work from home. How do you do it??
The Boss: Haribo and masturbation x
BbG: Perfect title for a song. I’m on Nutella. Not so easy to masturbate with a broken leg tho. X
The Boss: Broken leg? God, how did you do that? My turn to business travel now – off to LA! X
BbG: How long for, you lucky thing? I’ve never been (take me with you!) Nothing serious – broken fibula (looking sexy on crutches). Hit by a rolling stone on the way to Mt Blanc but made it to the top! X
The Boss: ouch. Sounds painful. Rest up and heal. X
BbG: Thanks. Have fun in LA (don’t forget your sunblock) x

I stare at my broken leg resting comfortably on the bed frame.
Do I really look sexy on crutches? Why did I need to tell him about the leg?  He is so busy, and the trip to LA must be for a film pitch. Last thing he needs is to be troubled by the outcomes of my risky sports adventures. I add another pillow to support my sore ankle.

God, what if he actually becomes famous? He probably would have even less time for me… It would be great to see him succeed though. He’s so talented and hard working. I lay in bed, with my miserable broken leg, imagining all the fun that fame could bring.

Sunday, 7 August 2011

Condoms, presents and Beyonce at Glastonbury


Photo: Akif Hakan Celebi

I'm temporarily renting a room in the historical part of London, and my new lover Adam (aka the Boss, a comedian) has met my Landlady. She is a retired actress. She still sings and plays banjo.

Adam-the-Boss texts me the day after staying overnight at mine:

The Boss: Hi Miss Secretary. Now you have pointed out that sunspot it stares me in the face when I look in a mirror. Shall I wear a mask? X
Beautiful but Grumpy: A diving bell… My Landlady has just sat me down for a talk on contraceptives. It’s all your fault!
The Boss: What??? What did she say? That’s funny. You’ve got a substitute mum/grandma.
BbG: More of a grandma. She suggested using some gels on top of condoms. You cannot imagine how hard it was to keep a straight face.
The Boss: oh.. my.. God. She must have heard us and presumed you were in pain! Either that or she owns shares in gel company and she wants you to invest :)
BbG: :) I suspect she’d heard us. What if she offers me her own gel?
The Boss: What if her husband offers me his condoms?
BbG: He clearly does not use any – 3 children with fellow band members…
The Boss: I’d get an extra lock on my door if I were you.
BbG: Well, funny you must say that – yesterday 3 of us sung together (Landlady played banjo). Today he bought me a present…
The Boss: What did he give you? Was it a discount off another one of his paintings? A cloth hat?
BbG: Well, he told me he’d bought a book for me but he hasn’t given it to me yet. I think he forgot. And I’m too shy to ask!
The Boss: Oh yes, the old ‘Oh, I forgot to give you your book’ knock on your bedroom door at midnight. Don’t answer in that sexy shirt/knicker combo!
BbG: You liked it? In that case I’ll only answer the door wearing leather jacket and lots of eye make up to put him off. How are you?
The Boss: I’m good, thanks. Watching Beyonce at Glastonbury.
BbG: I’m surprised you haven’t made it there to see her in person.
The Boss: I would only distract her. She’d forget her words.
BbG: :) I like her. She’s a good dancer.
The Boss: Yeah, she’s pretty awesome. She must do a hot waltz.
BbG: Just imagine that foxtrot that you could impress her with.
The Boss: Her hair would get in my face to much. I’d have to decline.
BbG: :) good

It will be interesting having Adam-the-Boss coming over again and my Landlady poking around. Last time he was at mine she said, before heading to bed “Well, I assume I will see you at breakfast then”. “If you don’t get kicked out” she added quietly, and ostentatiously turned towards the large staircase, that led to her opulently decorated bedroom.